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A Surreal Dream

January 27, 2012

I woke up shriving in cold sweat in the middle of the night.  Confused and disoriented, I rubbed my right eye and tried to remember what has happened.

We were together in a sunny room.  It is one of these rooms that has a floor-length french window and a green garden outside.  He stood in front of me with a little distance away.  Rays of sunlight sieved through the window behind him, casting a golden glow surrounding him.  My heart was blithe and I reached my right hand to touch him.  I am so happy to see him!  I wanted to tell him it has been months since I last saw him and that I have been missing him so much.  I wanted to hug / hang onto him and bury my face next to his neck and smell the familial R’ smell that I have named.  I wanted to tell him that I have been good, working hard and taking notes of many places that we will go together when he is here for good.  I reached out to him, but he turned away.  His eyes avoided mine and his voice was cold and smooth like the fresh thawed out ice water after a winter season, “how is it going”, he asked politely.

I froze and my heart dropped.  Then I remembered that I am no longer his baby.  He has walked away.

I am the person that he loves the most.  But he was walked away.

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From → Love

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