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Thinking About Not Thinking About Him

February 21, 2012

It was 7 years ago that I first met him.

It started with studying for exams together with other classmates, to nights of watching movies and hanging out with friends, extended to nights of walking back together in an all quite campus after a day of intense work at school, and then to dating, to falling in love, to move-in together, and finally, to engagement.  Up until January, I was committed and happily looking forward to our promise: we will spent the rest of our lives cherish and make each other happy, and be that one witness that the each other existed and lived.

Today I read the first email that he sent to me during our first physical separation after we started dating.  I was going on a trip with a friend for few days.  The date was 2005, and he wrote words full of passion and longing.  Each person he saw reminded him of me.  It was words of a young heart in love – intense, passionate, and genuine

Now, at each morning, the minute before I open my eyes and take a breath, images of him and her together come to visualization in my head.   In a short amount of time, I went from a happy woman in love looking for a wedding dress to having not only lost a fiancée, lover, but also a best friend.  Each day I think about not thinking about him.

I remember the glistering white-yellowish honeysuckles dancing gracefully and quietly at night outside of his work.  I remember how blithe my heart beat as I soaked in the fragrance while taking steps to meet him.  Happiness filled my heart as the way snow filled the sky at the anticipation of spending the next short 15 minutes of  listening to music and walking back home with him.

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From → Love

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